Battle with fitness and my Zumba mantra

Why is it that whenever I leave the mall, I feel like a huge ogre and I'm ready to go home and either never eat again, or eat everything in sight? It's so depressing.

I am an almost 25 year old girl that has fought with her weight for upwards of 15 years. I remember standing on the scale at McDonald elementary as a 4th grader and being mortified when Mr. Woodhead told me that I weighed in at 108 lbs. I'm pretty sure the girl that was my roommate for two years in college tips the scales at that number when she got on the scale this morning.

High school was full of attempts to try strange diets without my parents finding out and college was full of obsessive work outs followed by some pretty awful binges. Now I am in a completely different place in my life. I am married, only working part time, and debating about 30 different options for my future. NOW is the time for me to conquer this stupid issue. I'm not healthy, I'm not happy, and I'm so very insecure, and it sucks.

I was invited to attend a free Zumba class by a friend of mine and I had a blast! After attending for a month, an opportunity came for me to become an instructor. I don't sit for my certification until the end of February, and I"m still just team teaching, but I have never been happier. Zumba is a high energy dance class that works for all age ranges, as long as you're willing to get down and boogie.

I still don't like to work out and I still don't like to eat fish or many other healthy foods, but I'm fighting every day to become the healthy and happy person that I want to be. It's not go for me (or my marriage, for that matter) to continue to maintain the weight that I am at. My hope is that with Zumba four days a week, and a greater effort to eat healthier foods, or at least smaller portions of "yummy" food, I will slowly work myself down to a healthier weight.

I don't want to run a marathon and I don't want to try and get back down to the same weight I was in 4th grade. I just want to be able to keep up with my husband and the kids at youth group and to like the way that I look when I try on a pair of pants. I dream about the day that I can go into a dressing room to try on a pair of pants and not leave the store in tears. Hopefully, with the amazing Zumba class that I am taking, and a little bit of hard work and discomfort, I'll get there.