Days when I miss my Grandma Roberta

This morning I woke up a little blurry-eyed because I was up until 2:30ish finishing The Hunger Games and I forgot to take out my contacts. As I was stumbling around trying to get ready, I decided that I really wanted a hot chocolate. I've been trying to cut back on my spending so I knew going to the Espresso Shoppe was not an option, but I when I went to the cupboard to take out the store bought mix that we have, and I was flooded with emotion.

My Grandma Drullinger (Roberta) used to make this semi homemade mix with powdered milk and extra chocolate and it was always so good. I miss her so much lately. I wonder what she would think about Sam, and how she would have made the long trip to see me graduate from college, and how she would have been involved on my wedding day. I find myself wanting to know what she would have thought about my current job situation or if she would come and give Zumba a try, just to be supportive. Would Sam be able to charm her the way he has every other member of my family? And most of all, when Sam and I start talking about starting a family, or I think about where I will be in 5 years, I wonder what her face would have looked like on the day we announce that we are expecting.

She made awesome hot chocolate, orange julius, and corn casserole. She taught me how to sew on a button and how to blow bubbles out of the bubble pipes she kept by the bathtub, just for us grandkids. She taught me how to polish rocks, how to pray, and she taught me the words to This is my Story, Victory in Jesus, and It is Well with my Soul, among countless others. She taught me chinese checkers, how to make pancakes, and how to wrap presents in such a way that you are able to save all of the wrapping, bows, and boxes after Christmas morning. She taught me how to make a head band out of an old underwear waistband (she'd be mortified if she knew that I just told you that) and her traincase, which was one of two things that I asked for when she died, still smells like Soft Musk avon cologne and face powder.

She was one of the most joyful and Spirit filled women that I have ever met and I beat myself up quite a bit for not taking advantage of all of the lessons that she tried to teach me when she was alive and for not stopping by her apartment more. I regret not loving her more and not helping her more as she made the transistion down to North Platte.

The anniversary of her death is sneaking up on me and I can't believe that she has been gone so long. When I look back on the short amount of time that I had with her, these are the lessons and the wisdom that I take with me:

1. When in doubt, pray. When still in doubt, read the bible and pray some more.

2. Love everyone as best as you can. Even if he is the scary blind man that gets off on the wrong floor and tries to get into your room, he needs love too.

3. Sometimes a messy house just has to be messy. Life is meant to be lived and most days, its more important to spend time with dear friends than it is to wash dishes.

4. If you raise your children with love, and discipline, and instill in them all of God's glory, you can raise some pretty awesome kids. My dad is an amazing man and I am lucky to have my Aunt Joyce and Uncle David as well. I love when they all sing hymns together (especially since they know parts, not just the melody) and they are studious and engulfed in their faith every day, no matter what junk gets thrown at them.

5. Never stop. My grandma was a mover and a shaker and drove until the day that she died. She came over to our house the night before and we played Uno and laughed ourselves silly. She went to bible study, church, events at the high rise that she lived in, and came to every concert, sporting event, and any other special occasion that she could make it to.

6. You can be old and wrinkled, and still be beautiful.

7. There is an afterlife. This is an issue that I really battled with all summer. I spent hours thinking and reading and trying to figure out if what I believe is really true, and one night, Roberta visited me in a dream and she looked just like she did the last day that I saw her, but also more beautiful than I could ever imagine. She was glowing. And as she sat on the floor of our living room, she looked up and told me that she words could not describe how happy she was and that I would indeed join her some day. This dream gave me such a peace that I can not even explain it.

I love my grandma with all that I am, and I love my Grandma Elbers in so many ways as well. I was blessed with 5 years in Sioux Falls of laundry and meals and crocheting and I am super blessed that she is still with us, and I make it a point not to miss anything she can teach me. My family is full to the brim with amazing people and I'm doing my best to try and glean any knowledge and wisdom from them.

I miss Roberta, but I would like to think that she would be mostly proud of me if she were here today.

Hugs and kisses from your redhaired princess, Grandma. I love you.