Why is it that whenever I leave the mall, I feel like a huge ogre and I'm ready to go home and either never eat again, or eat everything in sight? It's so depressing.
I am an almost 25 year old girl that has fought with her weight for upwards of 15 years. I remember standing on the scale at McDonald elementary as a 4th grader and being mortified when Mr. Woodhead told me that I weighed in at 108 lbs. I'm pretty sure the girl that was my roommate for two years in college tips the scales at that number when she got on the scale this morning.
High school was full of attempts to try strange diets without my parents finding out and college was full of obsessive work outs followed by some pretty awful binges. Now I am in a completely different place in my life. I am married, only working part time, and debating about 30 different options for my future. NOW is the time for me to conquer this stupid issue. I'm not healthy, I'm not happy, and I'm so very insecure, and it sucks.
I was invited to attend a free Zumba class by a friend of mine and I had a blast! After attending for a month, an opportunity came for me to become an instructor. I don't sit for my certification until the end of February, and I"m still just team teaching, but I have never been happier. Zumba is a high energy dance class that works for all age ranges, as long as you're willing to get down and boogie.
I still don't like to work out and I still don't like to eat fish or many other healthy foods, but I'm fighting every day to become the healthy and happy person that I want to be. It's not go for me (or my marriage, for that matter) to continue to maintain the weight that I am at. My hope is that with Zumba four days a week, and a greater effort to eat healthier foods, or at least smaller portions of "yummy" food, I will slowly work myself down to a healthier weight.
I don't want to run a marathon and I don't want to try and get back down to the same weight I was in 4th grade. I just want to be able to keep up with my husband and the kids at youth group and to like the way that I look when I try on a pair of pants. I dream about the day that I can go into a dressing room to try on a pair of pants and not leave the store in tears. Hopefully, with the amazing Zumba class that I am taking, and a little bit of hard work and discomfort, I'll get there.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Musings of procrastination (or during, I suppose)
It is 10:38 on a Wednesday night and life is really no different that it was yesterday. Work, errands, P.E.O., supper, Zumba, some time with some friends, and then home to shower and get to bed....but I'm not in bed. Instead, I'm sitting on our red suede couch in our very messy living room trying to make some serious decisions and laughing and the moods that I seem to be flying through. I should be working on my "statement of purpose" for grad school that has to go in the mail tomorrow, or I will miss the deadline, but do I really want to go to grad school? Following is a list of all of the careers that I have considered pursuing and why I haven't gotten off my big butt to do any thing about it. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.
1. Masters of Fine Arts in Acting (or Musical Theatre) - The world of acting is competitive and cut throat. It is just as much about who you know as it is about who you are. I am a chubby midwestern girl that is quickly approaching her performance prime with absolutely no connections. What makes me think that I would be good enough to be admitted into a masters program, and that I would be able to find a job afterward? I relish the time I get to spend with my husband and if our quality time is diminished, then our relationship often encounters a great deal of stress (learned first hand when I was in rehearsal and production of Seussical this year), so am I willing to spend the majority of the next 5-10 years living an opposite schedule from my husband? Also, I still have to audition. I would awful if I spent a whole lot of time and money (that we don't really have at the moment) driving to Kansas City, staying two nights to audition, and then driving back, only to not get an offer. I haven't even finished my application, and I'm already worried about failure to the point that I'm afraid to take a chance.
2. High School Teacher - I actually think I would be really good at this, but several things terrify me. a.) How to create lesson plans. - I'm sure this is something they teach you when you are in your certification program, but it still freaks me out! b.) Being a "has-been" teacher. - I am only really qualified to teach theatre/speech/language artsy kind of stuff and thought of being that teacher that was once fairly good at acting, but never made it to the big time makes me nervous. c.) I sometimes find high school speech and theatre students to be eccentric and downright weird sometimes and I was really that kind of student and I don't know if I would be able to relate and/or deal with them. I was always the girl that was entered in 4 events so I wouldn't have to spend time with the kids that had blue hair and funky shoes. d.) School politics - If I have learned one thing between the day after I graduated from high school and now, it is that I am awful at diplomacy and politics. I would much rather say things the way I mean them, instead of beating around the bush and manipulating people to being on "my side" or helping me, and it seems that that is so much of life in a school district is any more and I fear I would be eaten alive.
3. Zumba Instructor - Last week I team taught my first Zumba class and didn't stop smiling. Each session is filled with such joy and sweat that it amazes me every time that I can feel so good and still be working out at the same time! But, currently I am just teaching half of the songs and the lead instructor is holding my hand and helping by creating song lists, showing me the dances, and still doing all of the paperwork when women show up. I'm sure I'll be fine when I'm on my own, because she will still be the lead instructor, but what if I start looking for something bigger. Does one open a Zumba studio? How many Zumba classes can North Platte support, along with its other various gyms and class offerings? What happens when I get pregnant or tear a ligament or we decide to move? What happens then?
I realize that I just made a page full of excuses and a certain North Platte friend would inform me that I am whining, and I am, but I am at a loss of what to do. We talked in Sunday School this summer about how maybe God didn't design one specific, exact path that you need to follow in order to be glorifying God with your life. Maybe its more like a systems of rivers and streams. Maybe there are lots of choices that will all glorify God with what your doing. Given, some rivers ends in lakes and never make it to the ocean, but you just crap your pants and row back up the river until you get back on the right stream. I DON'T like to row upstream. I am obsessed with making sure I am making the right choice so I don't have to eat my humble pie (which tastes worse than my cooking) and go back to where I last veered off path. I analyze to the point that I am mere hours away from needing to mail my application in, and I still haven't made any sort of a decision. I'm even analyzing it out in a blog for the cyber world to read.
A dear friend of mine recently left her job (not long after I left mine) and we volleyed about how difficult it was to make the decision to leave because we enjoyed the "status" that it gave us in our circles. Now, as I begin searching for what is really the "best" river to travel down with my dear redhead, I'm struggling with the same issue. Am I really wanting to go to grad school because I will enjoy it and it's what I want to do with my life, or am I wanting to go to prove to people that I can do it? Am I afraid of becoming a teacher because of the stigma it gives off and the oh so common phrase "if you can't do, teach" mantra? (which I read a blog about the other day and it helped a bit, but I still struggle) And, what makes me think I could gain any status being a chubby fitness instructor?
Dear God,
This is one mystery that I am totally over. If this were a game of Clue, I would totally be ready to rip the stupid cards out of that adorable Case File envelope and find out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing, where the heck I'm supposed to be doing it, and who the heck is supposed to be there (in reference to when are we supposed to have kids? and what does it take to build a support system from scratch if we get called out of North Platte)?
Please just guide me in the way that will glorify You and allow Sam and I to continue to minister to people the best we know how and get make You proud. That's all that I want. Fling some doors open and I will follow willingly, no matter the cost. Help me. I'm lost. Just...help me.
1. Masters of Fine Arts in Acting (or Musical Theatre) - The world of acting is competitive and cut throat. It is just as much about who you know as it is about who you are. I am a chubby midwestern girl that is quickly approaching her performance prime with absolutely no connections. What makes me think that I would be good enough to be admitted into a masters program, and that I would be able to find a job afterward? I relish the time I get to spend with my husband and if our quality time is diminished, then our relationship often encounters a great deal of stress (learned first hand when I was in rehearsal and production of Seussical this year), so am I willing to spend the majority of the next 5-10 years living an opposite schedule from my husband? Also, I still have to audition. I would awful if I spent a whole lot of time and money (that we don't really have at the moment) driving to Kansas City, staying two nights to audition, and then driving back, only to not get an offer. I haven't even finished my application, and I'm already worried about failure to the point that I'm afraid to take a chance.
2. High School Teacher - I actually think I would be really good at this, but several things terrify me. a.) How to create lesson plans. - I'm sure this is something they teach you when you are in your certification program, but it still freaks me out! b.) Being a "has-been" teacher. - I am only really qualified to teach theatre/speech/language artsy kind of stuff and thought of being that teacher that was once fairly good at acting, but never made it to the big time makes me nervous. c.) I sometimes find high school speech and theatre students to be eccentric and downright weird sometimes and I was really that kind of student and I don't know if I would be able to relate and/or deal with them. I was always the girl that was entered in 4 events so I wouldn't have to spend time with the kids that had blue hair and funky shoes. d.) School politics - If I have learned one thing between the day after I graduated from high school and now, it is that I am awful at diplomacy and politics. I would much rather say things the way I mean them, instead of beating around the bush and manipulating people to being on "my side" or helping me, and it seems that that is so much of life in a school district is any more and I fear I would be eaten alive.
3. Zumba Instructor - Last week I team taught my first Zumba class and didn't stop smiling. Each session is filled with such joy and sweat that it amazes me every time that I can feel so good and still be working out at the same time! But, currently I am just teaching half of the songs and the lead instructor is holding my hand and helping by creating song lists, showing me the dances, and still doing all of the paperwork when women show up. I'm sure I'll be fine when I'm on my own, because she will still be the lead instructor, but what if I start looking for something bigger. Does one open a Zumba studio? How many Zumba classes can North Platte support, along with its other various gyms and class offerings? What happens when I get pregnant or tear a ligament or we decide to move? What happens then?
I realize that I just made a page full of excuses and a certain North Platte friend would inform me that I am whining, and I am, but I am at a loss of what to do. We talked in Sunday School this summer about how maybe God didn't design one specific, exact path that you need to follow in order to be glorifying God with your life. Maybe its more like a systems of rivers and streams. Maybe there are lots of choices that will all glorify God with what your doing. Given, some rivers ends in lakes and never make it to the ocean, but you just crap your pants and row back up the river until you get back on the right stream. I DON'T like to row upstream. I am obsessed with making sure I am making the right choice so I don't have to eat my humble pie (which tastes worse than my cooking) and go back to where I last veered off path. I analyze to the point that I am mere hours away from needing to mail my application in, and I still haven't made any sort of a decision. I'm even analyzing it out in a blog for the cyber world to read.
A dear friend of mine recently left her job (not long after I left mine) and we volleyed about how difficult it was to make the decision to leave because we enjoyed the "status" that it gave us in our circles. Now, as I begin searching for what is really the "best" river to travel down with my dear redhead, I'm struggling with the same issue. Am I really wanting to go to grad school because I will enjoy it and it's what I want to do with my life, or am I wanting to go to prove to people that I can do it? Am I afraid of becoming a teacher because of the stigma it gives off and the oh so common phrase "if you can't do, teach" mantra? (which I read a blog about the other day and it helped a bit, but I still struggle) And, what makes me think I could gain any status being a chubby fitness instructor?
Dear God,
This is one mystery that I am totally over. If this were a game of Clue, I would totally be ready to rip the stupid cards out of that adorable Case File envelope and find out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing, where the heck I'm supposed to be doing it, and who the heck is supposed to be there (in reference to when are we supposed to have kids? and what does it take to build a support system from scratch if we get called out of North Platte)?
Please just guide me in the way that will glorify You and allow Sam and I to continue to minister to people the best we know how and get make You proud. That's all that I want. Fling some doors open and I will follow willingly, no matter the cost. Help me. I'm lost. Just...help me.
Friday, January 7, 2011
2011 Book List
1. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott- Jan. 1 - Jan. 7 - I can now say that I have read the silly thing from start to finish. I loved parts of it but other parts droned on.
2. The Centurion's Wife by Janette Oke - Jan. 7 - Jan. 12 - A really neat book, especially if you like Christian fiction or anything else that Oke has written. I downloaded it onto my Kindle because it was on a free-promo thing, and fell in love with it. Definitely an amazing message about the light that God brings into our lives.
3. Whirl of the Wheel by Catherine Condie - Jan. 12 - Jan. 15 - An odd little book about time travel. Super fluffy and I think geared toward younger readers. I don't like super detail heavy books, but this one was so lacking in it that it was hard to connect to any of the characters. I liked the basic story line, but would have liked a some information about what was going on historically and why she was in a wheelchair.
4. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Jan. 15 - Jan. 24 - I had seen 3 different movie versions of this book and enjoyed it quite a bit. Burnett's descriptions of the garden and the changes that take place in it are so vibrant and alive that I couldn't help but want to go and visit. Definitely a great classic.
5. Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir by Cara Muhlhahn - Jan. 27 - Jan. 29 - Just a precursor: No, I'm not pregnant. It was free on Amazon and it just seemed like it would be an interesting read, and boy was it! Muhlhahn manages to leave me with a sense of empowerment as a women and provided with me with confidence that I'm sure will come in handy when Sam and I do make the decision to start our family. I'm not typically a "hippie, holistic, mother nature" kind of person, but this book did an amazing job of presenting other options of labor and delivery besides being bed ridden, on your back, full of needles in a sterile (and often frightening) hospital room with everyone and their dog looking at your whoo-hah. She was not overly feministic, and spent a good deal of time discussing how hospitals are really good things in high risk pregnancies and when things go wrong, but normally, when left to her own devices, a woman can deliver her baby minus drugs and people sticking their hands all up inside them. I don't know if homebirth is something I would try, especially living in the midwest where midwives aren't in every neighborhood, but it is a great read for any woman who has thought about questioning why things are the way they are. I would definitely recommend it to any woman!
6. Love on a Dime by Cara Lynn James - Jan. 29 - Feb. 1 - Meh. It was half period romance novel, half Christian fiction. I enjoyed the setting and the detail that James put into describing our characters and how the vantage point shifted from chapter to chapter (it really allowed the reader to connect with multiple characters). A good quick read.
7. Reasons to be Pretty by Neil LaBute - Feb. 2 - Feb. 3 - Oh Mr. LaBute, this may be my favorite play that he has written. It ends with a little glimmer of hope and it made me happy.
8. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - Feb. 7 - Feb. 9 - This would have had an end date of Feb. 8, but I technically read past midnight last night so I actually finished it today. I find it really funny how I try really hard to not watch the "bestseller" lists because I feel like its "letting the man win" or something, but when I do give in and read whats popular at the moment, it almost always a good read, even if it has some gapping holes and some strange (not to mention fairly gross) plotlines(Twilight) or even if it's not the most memorable book I've ever read. I sat in our cold little bathroom well into the wee hours of the morning trying to finish The Hunger Games. This Lord of the Flys meets The Hatchet epic kept me on the edge of my seat. I don't want to give much away, because I would recommend this book to anyone, but I would also like to emphasize that I would not let an elementary school student read it. Not only are there some very graphic, morbid parts, but the overall tone of the book is very disturbing and I think might really frighten a younger audience. Definitely worth picking up!
9. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins Feb. 9 - Feb. 10 - The 2nd book in The Hunger Games trilogy, and just as rivoting as the first. I don't believe I can get my hands on book #3 fast enough!
10. Mocking Jay by Suzanne Collins - Feb. 12 - Feb. 13 - The third installment of The Hunger Games trilogy. Really guys, read these books!
11. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen - Feb. 27 - March 2 - I didn't really know what I was getting into when I started this story, but as usual, it was on the "free promotional" list on Amazon.com so I got it. This beautiful story about a 93 year old man in a nursing home is poignant and insightful. During his flashbacks to his life in circus, Gruen exposes us to the nitty-gritty behind the scenes work that us "rubes" never get to see. This strange lifestyle is something that we've all been curious about and we've all threatened to run of and do from time to time. While in the present, Gruen carefully takes us through the struggles of the indignity that is the aging and nursing home process in America. I would rate it PG-13 for some graphic violence and some sexual content, but all in all a lovely book.
12. After the Leaves Fall by Nicole Baart - March 3 - March 7 - There have been some really difficult things happening in my life at the moment, and this book was exactly what I needed. It may be one of the few free books that I have read on Amazon that I actually want to spend the money to get the rest of the books in the series, Summer Snow and Beneath the Night Tree. (In fact, I just took a break from writing this entry to do so.) This coming of age story about Julia, a character with whom every girl can relate to, follows a heartbreaking and frustrating path from a fallen, broken little girl to a fallen, broken woman in search of the grace that only come from the Father above. I didn't even know that this was a Christian fiction book until I got a fair amount into it, and I thought the spiritual aspect of the book was beautifully presented without being overly push. In Baart's first novel, I commend her for her beautiful analogies and comforting text. Many of the scenes left me heartbroken and in tears but the book ends with an amazing sense of hope. I can't wait to read the next book!
13. Summer Snow by Nicole Baart - March 7 - March 13 - The 2nd book of this trilogy was just as warm and touching as the first. As we continue to get to know Julia, and her crazy family, Baart does an exceptional job of capturing small town life and the difficulties with gossip, work, and an ever evolving family.
14. Beneath the Night Tree by Nicole Baart - March 13 - March 18 - The perfect end to this trilogy. Painful in places because I knew what was coming and my heart broke for Julia's situation, but it ended just like I had hoped. Well done, Ms. Baart. Thank you for sharing this family with us!
Be sure to keep sharing ideas with me!
2. The Centurion's Wife by Janette Oke - Jan. 7 - Jan. 12 - A really neat book, especially if you like Christian fiction or anything else that Oke has written. I downloaded it onto my Kindle because it was on a free-promo thing, and fell in love with it. Definitely an amazing message about the light that God brings into our lives.
3. Whirl of the Wheel by Catherine Condie - Jan. 12 - Jan. 15 - An odd little book about time travel. Super fluffy and I think geared toward younger readers. I don't like super detail heavy books, but this one was so lacking in it that it was hard to connect to any of the characters. I liked the basic story line, but would have liked a some information about what was going on historically and why she was in a wheelchair.
4. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Jan. 15 - Jan. 24 - I had seen 3 different movie versions of this book and enjoyed it quite a bit. Burnett's descriptions of the garden and the changes that take place in it are so vibrant and alive that I couldn't help but want to go and visit. Definitely a great classic.
5. Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir by Cara Muhlhahn - Jan. 27 - Jan. 29 - Just a precursor: No, I'm not pregnant. It was free on Amazon and it just seemed like it would be an interesting read, and boy was it! Muhlhahn manages to leave me with a sense of empowerment as a women and provided with me with confidence that I'm sure will come in handy when Sam and I do make the decision to start our family. I'm not typically a "hippie, holistic, mother nature" kind of person, but this book did an amazing job of presenting other options of labor and delivery besides being bed ridden, on your back, full of needles in a sterile (and often frightening) hospital room with everyone and their dog looking at your whoo-hah. She was not overly feministic, and spent a good deal of time discussing how hospitals are really good things in high risk pregnancies and when things go wrong, but normally, when left to her own devices, a woman can deliver her baby minus drugs and people sticking their hands all up inside them. I don't know if homebirth is something I would try, especially living in the midwest where midwives aren't in every neighborhood, but it is a great read for any woman who has thought about questioning why things are the way they are. I would definitely recommend it to any woman!
6. Love on a Dime by Cara Lynn James - Jan. 29 - Feb. 1 - Meh. It was half period romance novel, half Christian fiction. I enjoyed the setting and the detail that James put into describing our characters and how the vantage point shifted from chapter to chapter (it really allowed the reader to connect with multiple characters). A good quick read.
7. Reasons to be Pretty by Neil LaBute - Feb. 2 - Feb. 3 - Oh Mr. LaBute, this may be my favorite play that he has written. It ends with a little glimmer of hope and it made me happy.
8. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - Feb. 7 - Feb. 9 - This would have had an end date of Feb. 8, but I technically read past midnight last night so I actually finished it today. I find it really funny how I try really hard to not watch the "bestseller" lists because I feel like its "letting the man win" or something, but when I do give in and read whats popular at the moment, it almost always a good read, even if it has some gapping holes and some strange (not to mention fairly gross) plotlines(Twilight) or even if it's not the most memorable book I've ever read. I sat in our cold little bathroom well into the wee hours of the morning trying to finish The Hunger Games. This Lord of the Flys meets The Hatchet epic kept me on the edge of my seat. I don't want to give much away, because I would recommend this book to anyone, but I would also like to emphasize that I would not let an elementary school student read it. Not only are there some very graphic, morbid parts, but the overall tone of the book is very disturbing and I think might really frighten a younger audience. Definitely worth picking up!
9. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins Feb. 9 - Feb. 10 - The 2nd book in The Hunger Games trilogy, and just as rivoting as the first. I don't believe I can get my hands on book #3 fast enough!
10. Mocking Jay by Suzanne Collins - Feb. 12 - Feb. 13 - The third installment of The Hunger Games trilogy. Really guys, read these books!
11. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen - Feb. 27 - March 2 - I didn't really know what I was getting into when I started this story, but as usual, it was on the "free promotional" list on Amazon.com so I got it. This beautiful story about a 93 year old man in a nursing home is poignant and insightful. During his flashbacks to his life in circus, Gruen exposes us to the nitty-gritty behind the scenes work that us "rubes" never get to see. This strange lifestyle is something that we've all been curious about and we've all threatened to run of and do from time to time. While in the present, Gruen carefully takes us through the struggles of the indignity that is the aging and nursing home process in America. I would rate it PG-13 for some graphic violence and some sexual content, but all in all a lovely book.
12. After the Leaves Fall by Nicole Baart - March 3 - March 7 - There have been some really difficult things happening in my life at the moment, and this book was exactly what I needed. It may be one of the few free books that I have read on Amazon that I actually want to spend the money to get the rest of the books in the series, Summer Snow and Beneath the Night Tree. (In fact, I just took a break from writing this entry to do so.) This coming of age story about Julia, a character with whom every girl can relate to, follows a heartbreaking and frustrating path from a fallen, broken little girl to a fallen, broken woman in search of the grace that only come from the Father above. I didn't even know that this was a Christian fiction book until I got a fair amount into it, and I thought the spiritual aspect of the book was beautifully presented without being overly push. In Baart's first novel, I commend her for her beautiful analogies and comforting text. Many of the scenes left me heartbroken and in tears but the book ends with an amazing sense of hope. I can't wait to read the next book!
13. Summer Snow by Nicole Baart - March 7 - March 13 - The 2nd book of this trilogy was just as warm and touching as the first. As we continue to get to know Julia, and her crazy family, Baart does an exceptional job of capturing small town life and the difficulties with gossip, work, and an ever evolving family.
14. Beneath the Night Tree by Nicole Baart - March 13 - March 18 - The perfect end to this trilogy. Painful in places because I knew what was coming and my heart broke for Julia's situation, but it ended just like I had hoped. Well done, Ms. Baart. Thank you for sharing this family with us!
Be sure to keep sharing ideas with me!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Not so much resolutions as they are much needed changes
I rang in the New Year in Sioux Falls this year, kissing my husband and celebrating with some of my dearest friends from college. Since some were not able to attend the gathering, I spent an obscene amount of time whirling around town, drinking far more soda than one should ever consume, meeting friends and catching up on where our lives have taken us since May of 2008.
I've been lots of places and done lots of things, some of which has been amazing while others were not so good, but I'm not writing this to rehash all of the mistakes I've made or go on and on about all of the wonderful things I feel like I've accomplished in my short and pitiful life.
As I relished in showing off my amazing husband and enjoyed the evening's festivities, I internally tried to process what I wanted this year to hold for me. Here is the list that I came up with:
1. Finally get healthy. I'm going to officially start teaching Zumba this Thursday and I refuse to be a fat fitness instructor. This is no longer about wanting to look better in a cattle call at an auditions, or finally feel like I deserve to be standing next to Sam when he is working out or looking oh so fine in his "going out" clothes. Getting healthy is about helping me be better. A better person to be able to keep up with the kids in youth group and sweet little Sophie. A more confident person who can wear clothing and be comfortable in it. And a more energetic woman who can better serve and minster in the ways that God is calling my husband and I.
2. Read 52 books by December 31, 2011. After a life of academics, a year on the road, and now then end of 18 months of running around with my head cut off, I'm more than anxious to take some time and read all of the books that I've been meaning to get to for quite some time. WIth the help of the gift of a Kindle from my father in law and some free time, I plan on reading a book a week from now until the end of the year, so please send me your suggestions! Also included in this will be the Bible. So I guess I'm wanting to ready 53 books this year.
3. Create a loving and nurturing and drama free environment in my home. I need to chill out and quit being so high strung.
4. Be open to what God is trying to tell me and quit fighting Him.
5. Try to love everyone with intensity and passion so that they may know God's love through me for as long as our paths cross. Some people are only in our lives for a short period of time, and I want to impact everyone in the best possible way.
So, there are my goals for the next 361 days. I'll try to keep an updated list of my books and how things are going. Thanks!
I've been lots of places and done lots of things, some of which has been amazing while others were not so good, but I'm not writing this to rehash all of the mistakes I've made or go on and on about all of the wonderful things I feel like I've accomplished in my short and pitiful life.
As I relished in showing off my amazing husband and enjoyed the evening's festivities, I internally tried to process what I wanted this year to hold for me. Here is the list that I came up with:
1. Finally get healthy. I'm going to officially start teaching Zumba this Thursday and I refuse to be a fat fitness instructor. This is no longer about wanting to look better in a cattle call at an auditions, or finally feel like I deserve to be standing next to Sam when he is working out or looking oh so fine in his "going out" clothes. Getting healthy is about helping me be better. A better person to be able to keep up with the kids in youth group and sweet little Sophie. A more confident person who can wear clothing and be comfortable in it. And a more energetic woman who can better serve and minster in the ways that God is calling my husband and I.
2. Read 52 books by December 31, 2011. After a life of academics, a year on the road, and now then end of 18 months of running around with my head cut off, I'm more than anxious to take some time and read all of the books that I've been meaning to get to for quite some time. WIth the help of the gift of a Kindle from my father in law and some free time, I plan on reading a book a week from now until the end of the year, so please send me your suggestions! Also included in this will be the Bible. So I guess I'm wanting to ready 53 books this year.
3. Create a loving and nurturing and drama free environment in my home. I need to chill out and quit being so high strung.
4. Be open to what God is trying to tell me and quit fighting Him.
5. Try to love everyone with intensity and passion so that they may know God's love through me for as long as our paths cross. Some people are only in our lives for a short period of time, and I want to impact everyone in the best possible way.
So, there are my goals for the next 361 days. I'll try to keep an updated list of my books and how things are going. Thanks!
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