Marathon training is a balancing act. I have to balance between work and running. School and running. My husband and running. Sleep and running. My faith and running. So many things in my life demand and deserve attention and I know that they are important, but I am learning that running also deserves my attention. Sometimes my 4 miles in the morning is the only time I get to be with just me. I can sift through my thoughts, write endless blogs in my head that never make it to the computer screen, pray, or find an empty space in my head and just rest. I am juggling the things in my life a bit better than I used to because through training, I have learned that being there for other people and fulfilling my responsibilities are important and I won't shirk those things that I know I need to do, but I won't give up training either. There are some mornings when I skip a run because I stayed up a little too late playing Mario Kart with my husband, but there are also some nights when I have to say no to people or go a little easy on the soda or the food because I have a big run in the morning. Its a balancing act.
Marathon training is an education about who you are. When I crossed the finish line of my first triathlon back in April, I became a different person. I finally became the strong, confident, radiant young woman that people had been telling me I could be. I finally believed in myself. Swimming, biking and jogging around like a mad person for 1:35:46 taught me that I could do anything if I only just did the work. Running is teaching me that I can do anything if I just do the work and don't give up. I am one of those people that typically doesn't try many new things because I like being competent and successful at what I am doing. Training for a 26.2 mile race does not make me feel very competent or successful sometimes. When it is hot and humid outside and when I'm running on three hours of sleep because I had another panic attack, my runs are awful. Some days I am bloated or dehydrated or just crabby. It happens. I'm sure there are some mornings when I could have walked faster than I was running, but I still kept going. I have given up on so many things in my life, and I realize that I still have 14 weeks and the actual race that could push me to that breaking point, but I don't think that will happen. I have developed such a sense of resiliency and the ability to finish a run with a smile and say, "That sucked. Let's try again tomorrow." and move on with my day. I am continuing to do things that I never even dreamed of. I ran 14 miles this morning. 14! Two years ago I couldn't have run for 14 minutes, let alone 14 miles. Those of you who know me, know that this feat is pretty insane, but guys, I am doing it. For the first time in my life, EVER, I am comfortable with who I am. I stepped on the scale yesterday for the first time in about three weeks and I was really nervous about what it would say. When that number popped up, the only thing I could think about was how, even though I really liked the number that I saw, my weight really didn't matter anymore. What a bizarre thought to have. I have been trying to lose weight most of my adult life and now all of the sudden, it doesn't matter? What a freeing feeling! My body is no where near perfect. Every time a car drives by, I am pretty sure the passenger is making a snarky comment to the driver about my thunder thighs jiggling in the wind, and I know that my stomach will never look like a fitness model's six-pack abs, but for the first time in my life, I love my body. Blisters, stretch marks, zits and all.
Marathon training is a listening exercise. I have to listen to everything around me. I need to know where cars are so I don't get hit. I have to listen to the music to help me find my cadence and to free up my head space. I have to listen to the sound of my feet hitting the ground so I know if my body is out of balance because of something I am mechanically doing wrong or if there is an issue with my socks or shoes or some other external factor. And most importantly, I have to listen to my body and know when it it is time for water, a snack, a walk break, or a day off. I have to know my body well enough to get it moving 5 days a week for a minimum of 35 minutes a day and on Saturdays upwards of 3 hours (and that number will only get longer). And I have to listen to my heart. I have to listen when it tells me that I can do this when my legs and hips and head tell me that I can't. I have to listen when God speaks to it mid run and there is nothing I can do but cry and keep going. I have to listen to it when it gives me encouragement after someone has given me a funny look or said a hurtful comment after I mention that I am training. I used to think that I was an excellent listener. I wasn't, but I sure am now.
Marathon training is not for everyone. There are lots of things that I think everyone (mostly) can participate in. 5Ks are an amazing example. I believe everyone should do a 5K at least once in their life. Just so they can feel what it feels like to wear a race bib and cross a finish line with people cheering for you at the end. It is wonderful. But going 3.1 miles is a whole heap different than going 26.2. I have spent the better part of 6 months praying and thinking and preparing and researching for this. Do not take up marathon training lightly. Some people's bodies are not meant to run. Structurally, we are all built a little bit differently. I was never built for speed. I will never be the front runner for any race. But I have learned that I am a creature of endurance, and if I can get past that 2 mile mark, I can go for days. My body is meant to do this kind of thing. I just treated it so poorly for years that I never knew. If marathon training is not for you, that is ok, it is your story. But then find something that is for you and love every sencond of it.
Marathon training is preparation. More thought and planning and searching and tinkering went into getting me ready to start training than almost any other project I have undertaken. I had to buy new shoes, new socks, a race belt, non cotton underwear, bottles upon bottles of sunscreen, and power gels and an obscene number of bananas. I read three different books and looked at more blogs than was probably good for me. But when I started, I knew I was prepared. Be a boy scout. Do your homework and know your stuff. You want this to be a safe and fun and amazing experience. Don't ruin it by not being ready and getting injured or bringing heat stroke down on yourself because you didn't pack water.
Marathon training is the mileage. I know I said in the beginning that it is more than that, and it is, but the mileage is still important. I still have to drag myself out of bed and pound that pavement. I have do to the work. So between now and October 14th, I will continue to yank on my black and pink running shoes and smear some sunscreen on my nose so I can get at it again. Mile after mile, I just search for that happy place and settle in for a good run. One of the best feelings in the world.
Much love. Britt.
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