Why am I getting healthy?

So, maybe I'm just imagining things, but sometimes when I tell people about my latest swimming accomplishment (I swam 1,000 meters the other day without dying and I was so excited) or how I now get a stomach ache when I drink half a can of Coke, I feel like people give me a strange look and judge me a bit.

I know I shouldn't care what they think, but the part of me that has been fighting for the past 13 months (and frankly most of past 10 years) wants to yell back at them for judging me for trying to get healthy.  I don't have an eating disorder.  I'm not on a diet.  I'm not workng out for 8 hours a day.  I will NOT start a "thinspration" board on pintrest full of skinny girls in their underwear.

I'm doing this...

...so I don't feel sick all the time.

...so I don't feel sluggish and greasy all the time.

...so I can feel radiant in the morning after a difficult run.

...so I can walk crooked and sit funny after a long bike ride.

...so I can learn a new skill and practice until I'm good at it.

...so I can look smashing in a swim cap.

...so I can make my husband proud.

...so my parents can have a happy daughter.

...so I can decrease my chance of so many diseases.

...so I can break the addiction to the cancer causing foods that I have been putting into my body.

...so I can try on clothes and not end up in a puddle of tears.

...because I started and I don't want to quit again.

...so I can prove you wrong.

...so I can set an example to everyone out there that you can do this.

...so I can be a BEAST!

...so I can get a number drawn on my leg and my arm in permanent marker and feel like I deserve to be there.

...so I can stand bare butt naked in front of a mirror and NOT look perfect, but be able to see the work and the sweat and the tears and the time that I have put into loving myself and making a change for a the better.

So, deep down inside, I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't doing this for you.  Part of me is.  Part of me is doing it to prove some of you wrong and prove the rest of you right.  I want to smash it in some people's faces when I finish my first triathlon in April.  But I also want to receive the hugs and smiles that will be waiting for me at the finish line along with all of the people that have supported me and kept me going even when I wanted to give up on myself. 

But part of me is also doing this for me.  So even though I'm not perfect and you may not think that I'm doing it for the right reasons or that I'll just mess it up some way or give up again, frankly my dear, I don't give a ****.  I run with a smile on my face, I cry on my bicycle and I swim with focus that I have never had in my entire life and I love me and love my life more now than any other moment in my existance.

To the haters, keep on hating.

To the supporters, thank you so much for loving me in spite of my own self image and never letting me lose hope when I back slide. 

To myself, 99 days until put on that swimsuit, set up your gear, and do it.  Stay focused.  Feed your body the food that it needs and give it the workouts that it craves.  Don't think your goals are unacheivable.  You got this.

2012 Things to do

1.  Participate (and not come in last) at the James O'Rourke Triathlon.

2.  Read the whole Bible. .
3.  Pay off my student loans...6 years early.  What what!

4.  Redo our living room and kitchen and finally finish the two bathrooms that we have started.

5.  Decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. And to remember that my job does not determine my self worth.

6.  Make 10 new friends.

7.  Craft beautiful things.

8.  Learn how to landscape my front yard.

9.  Love my husband more and more everyday.

10.  Continue to become the woman of God that He designed me to be.

New Year's Resolutions - How did I do?

Last New Year's Eve I set some goals/resolutions that I wanted to acheive this year.  Here's how I did:
1. Finally get healthy. - I am going to vote this one a thumbs up.  I have lost 40 lbs thus far and have grown so much when it comes to know what I need to be doing to be a healthier person.  It is still a struggle everday to get up and get to the gym, but Zumba makes life a lot easier...now if I could just get a chef to come cook delicious, healthy foods for me, I would have this down!


2. Read 52 books by December 31, 2011. - Epic failure.  I think I only made it half way through this goal.  I was pretty on track until we bought a house and went on three very busy trips this summer and then I started back to full time work. 

3. Create a loving and nurturing and drama free environment in my home. - This is an ever constant work in progress.  I have learned a lot about Sam and I over the last 365 days and our relationship continues to be a loving journey with a few bumps in the road.  He is continuing to learn that sometimes I just need a hug and I am continuing to learn that sometimes he's not mad at me, he is mad at the situation.  I still can't keep my house as clean as I would like,  but that comes with the territory of working full time and choosing to spend my evenings with my husband and my friends instead of doing dishes and scrubbing the floors.

4. Be open to what God is trying to tell me and quit fighting Him. - This was really difficult for me.  In June I went to Puerto Rico hoping for something big to happen and boy, did it.  It wasn't an earth shattering, life changing single moment, but merely the start of a opportunity for a very dear friend that has led to more prayer and thought and tears than I ever thought possible.  November brought the final culmination of it all, and starting on January 15, Sam and I will lead our Epicenter Youth Group without our very dear friend.  While out driving the other day, I saw a church sign that said "Don't ask God to move you if you aren't willing to pick up your feet."  Well, its time for me to pick up my feet.

5. Try to love everyone with intensity and passion so that they may know God's love through me for as long as our paths cross. Some people are only in our lives for a short period of time, and I want to impact everyone in the best possible way. - Without going into too much detail, this resolution has changed and is continuing to change my life. 







So, there are my goals for the next 361 days. I'll try to keep an updated list of my books and how things are going. Thanks!

A mermaid or a whale?: What life is like as a mer-whale.

Recently, a picture (of a beautiful woman, who is also naked, so you will not see it pictured here) has been floating around facebook with this story underneath:

"A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.   They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.  They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
Mermaids do not exist.  But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?  They would have no sex life and could not bear children.  Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.  And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.  We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.  We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.  Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn) Feel free to tag yourselves :)"



Ummmm....what if I am a mer-whale?

I realize that there is a severely perverse body image problem in the world and this letter makes a very good argument at what appears to be a very insensitive advertisement, but I don't feel like I can condone being a "whale."  As shows like The Biggest Loser, Heavy, Dance Your A** Off, and other shows continue to have great popularity week after week, it brings to light all of the problems that obesity brings.  I know that we should not be forcing girls into the unhealthy image that we all need to skinny and look like a stick bug, but I don't feel like we should be complacent and just let women increase their risk of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and stroke while decreasing their life expentency, and in quite a few cases, their ability to conceive children. 

Most of you (friends and facebook "creepers" alike) have been keeping up with me on my wieght loss journey over the past 9 months.  I started out weighing 213.5 lb on January 1st, 2011 and this morning, when I stepped on the scale it said 174.8.  I've lost an average of 4.5 lbs a month and (not to sound self righteous) I'm not starving myself.  I'm not working out 40 hours a week.  I'm just doing things the best way I know how.  I food journal as I am able, I exercize 3-5 times a week, and I cheat every now and  again (sorry, but anyone who can give up Coke, chocolate, french fies and delivery pizza all at the same time is not living) I know that I will never be skinny girl but that does not I am given a free pass to let myself be unhealthy.  I feel like I am nearing the point where I don't have a whole lot left to lose, but that doesn't mean that I should revert back to my old habits of burgers and ice cream.  If I have learned one thing over the course of my wieght struggles, it's that pills, shakes, diets, cleanses, and the like are just temporary (and sometimes dangerous) fixes that never last.  A healthy lifestyle isn't supposed to last 2 weeks or 90 days.  A lifestyle is supposed to last your whole life! 

When I started this whole journey, it was about a game.  It was about a 12 week challenge to try and drop as much weight as possible and win a few prizes from our local radio station.  Now its about staying healthy, eating food that is good for me, and living a life with my husband that I once never thought possible.  I'm sure most of you know this, but I'll inform you anyway.  I think my husband is a hunk.  He's tall and strong looking with broad shoulders and legs that show off his 20 year soccer career.  When Sam and I first started dating,  I felt like other girls looked at us and thought "What is he doing with her?"  Now, when I walk into a room with the love of my life, I feel like people think "Wow. What a beautiful couple."  After getting married, I spent many a conversation with close friends about my fear of fertility problems.  Now, after dropping several points off of my BMI, I have increased my ability to concieve, while decreasing my risk of infertility, anovulation (a period without an egg), miscarraige, and polycistic ovarian syndrome.   

Weight and size aren't everything, but loving your body is.  Treating it with respect is.  Living life to the fullest and appreciating the beautiful structure that God gave me to live in is.

This isn't a blog to scare women into being thin.  This isn't a blog disrepecting my body or any of the bodies of my friends who are all beautiful and wonderful creations of the Father that loves us so very much.  This blog is a call to the end of complacently because you think things can't change.  They can.  This blog is to promote awareness that you can be overwieght and still healthy (I out-Zumbaed a lot of "skinny-chicks" in my certification class and I can run and stretch a lot better as a size 12 than some of the size 2 people that I know).

What this blog is about is respecting yourself, forgetting the number on the scale or inside your waistsband, and remembering what it felt like as a child to ride your bike around the block without getting winded.  To learn what your body feels like after a  yummy and healthy meal.  And to experience the crazy glow after a good workout.

Don't let the proverbial "man" get you down about your wieght or your size, but don't be afraid to take that first step towards a healthy life.  Taking a walk isn't giving in to society's strange rules on body image, it's giving you a way to make yourself healthier. 

Women are crazy strong creatures who also have the amazing ability to comfort and uplift each other.  So talk to me, talk to a friend, a counselor, a personal trainer, and start your lifestyle today.    

So, whether you are a "mermaid or a whale," a 2 or a 22, get healthy.  Grow in God and learn to love yourself where ever you are on your journey and don't be afraid to take that first step.
 
Love, 
 
Your dear friend and constant encourager

Where was I?

Ten years ago I was a sophomore in high school, sitting in journalism class. Life was scary because I had papers due, I didn't have many friends, and I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now, I am sitting in the home that I own with my husband that we were only able to afford because someone couldn't anymore because of the recession, and life is scary because those who "run" our country won't quit fighting, the media swings the vote instead of letting people know the true issues at hand, more people are living without jobs, more people are hungry, more people are bullied for what they believe, ways they act, and who they are. Life is scary because friends are fighting a never ending war against terrorists, cancer, against grief and loss and disease since 9-11-01, and against unseen dark forces that move in our world.  Please, God, let peace start now.

A thousand beautiful things: The beginning

So, another beginning in my life.  Another journey.  This one towards more joy and less stress.  More peace and less whining. 

#1. The telephone nook in our home  with pictures and memories of Sam and I and shells I have collected from the falls in Joplin.

#2. A hard worker who happens to look adorable in a baseball cap.

#3. A cat who loves crafting just as much as I do.

#4. Tie-dyed hands after a night spent teaching a friend.

Stolen from a friend who stole it from someone else.

One of my dearest and bestest friends in the world has taught me so much.  She has helped me through rough patches in my marriage, talked me down from countless anxiety attacks, taught me cooking secrets, and has joined me on a plethora of crafting adventures.  This summer she started a series entitled "A Thousand Beautiful Things." 

At first, I kind of laughed at her an thought to myself "A thousand things?  In this world? Probably not."  I kind of stuck with this mentality until last night at youth group.

For our fall schedule, we are walking the kids through the fruit of the Spirit.  Sam and Greg and I talked with them last night about what fruit they thought was the easiest for them and what they thought was the hardest.  As I sat there pondering their answers, I couldn't help but realize that I try really hard to be gentle and kind and I try to exhibit some semblance of self- control, but when it comes to joy and peace, I tend to run in the opposite direction.  Maybe, if I start focusing on the beauty that does truly exist in this world (yes, even in North Platte), maybe I will find some peace in my life and learn to feel joy in a way that I have ignored for so long.